Responding to Questions about Natural Duration Breastfeeding

“You’re still breastfeeding her?” is the incredulous question so many of us who choose to nurse our children to natural duration hear. This question can make us uncomfortable.  How to respond? Sometimes the person goes even further to push his or her own opinion “if they’re old enough to ask for it, they shouldn’t be able to nurse anymore.”

Natural duration breastfeeding is normal

According to anthropological research, humans are biologically designed to nurse for several years.  We likely are expected to breastfeed the longest out of any creature.  The natural age of weaning for humans is sometime between three and seven years, with genetic factors determining the length of time.

But in western culture, mothers are routinely advised to wean their infants by 12 months to cow’s milk.  So when a family member or friend learns that a mother plans to nurse her child to natural duration things can become tense.  Many people are uncomfortable with the idea of nursing a toddler or older child despite how normal it is. 

Responding to uncomfortable questions

So what to do when Aunt Rose says with a little sneer “you’re not going to nurse her until she’s twelve are you?” 

Reflecting the asker’s feelings can help identify the reason for the question.  Perhaps she is surprised because it is something she has never seen before.  Or perhaps she sees you nursing your toddler as an affront to her parenting skills because she did not choose to do that.  Maybe she is uncomfortable because our culture has glorified the female breast as an object only intended for sexual purposes.

Some find that a simple answer (“we both enjoy this and see no reason to stop”) and then ‘bean-dipping’ helps deflect the question and move onto another subject.  Others use humor “I think I’ll probably wean her before she goes off to college.” Others choose to have a chat about the facts regarding natural duration breastfeeding.

Let’s make natural duration breastfeeding normal in western culture too

Hopefully the example we provide as natural-duration breastfeeding mothers can help others realize that ‘extended’ breastfeeding isn’t the weird thing they think it is. Honesty and education can help change people’s views of the normal age of weaning for human children. It can be lonely being the only breastfeeding mother in a family- even lonelier when doing something so uncommon in our culture as natural duration breastfeeding.  But the more others see the beautiful relationship mother and child share and the independence that child gains from deciding when he or she is done with nursing the more they will accept it as normal. Eventually others may have the confidence to make the same choice as well to breastfed to natural duration.