So many parents swear up and down that they will never cosleep- apparently it is ‘giving in’ to one’s children- they need limits after all.  And it’s supremely dangerous, right?  And once you start THAT habit, you’ll never get them out. Then the seven pound breastfeeding machine who wants to party at the boob all night long arrives on that long-awaited day.  And suddenly, bedsharing seems like the miraculous solution to this problem!  That’s because it is.

Physically, arms-reach bedsharing offers very young infants a way to keep their immature nervous systems stabilized.  Research has shown that infants respond to their mothers’ heartbeat, breathing and sleep patterns.  They rouse from sleep more often to nurse, preventing the very deep sleep that increases the risk of SIDS.  Mothers are able to frequently check on their babies as often as they wake, even caring for them in half-sleep.  Infants that sleep out of contact with their mothers’ bodies spend more time in deep sleep, not having the biologically normal patterns of light sleep and waking.  The more frequent waking ensures that the infants nurse more and are able to keep the mothers’ milk production going and take in enough calories for their rapid growth.

Bedsharing continues to be a real help through growth spurts and teething, colds and those times when baby just doesn’t sleep for very long before waking.  All it takes is the time to wake half-way, roll over, and pop baby on the breast.  During the toddler years having mother right there every time the toddler wakes can be so helpful in creating secure attachment which will lead to a gradual development of healthy independence.

Do I worry that my children will never transition to their own beds?  No- I cannot conceive of that possibility.  I cannot conceive of the possibility that my breastfeeding two and a half year old will nurse forever either.  Some day these little girls will grow up and want their own space.  It won’t last forever and then this short time will be gone.  In the meantime, I am happy that we can share a bedroom as a family and reap its benefits.

I decided to try out a balcony garden because I am pretty disenchanted about the state of our produce in the supermarkets.  This first summer is the beginning of us being able to grow our own healthy food- food that isn’t genetically modified, produced with chemicals and artificial fertilizers.  We also are reducing our footprint on the earth by not purchasing fruit and vegetables that are shipped over thousands of miles to the store.  They’ll be more flavorful as well.

I am surprised at the amount of planning that has to go into creating such a small garden.  I imagine that there might even be more thought put into it than would go into a large garden in a backyard.  We’re attempting to maximize the output we get for the small space we’re growing in and sometimes I am feeling a bit crazy over thinking about the different growing rates of the vegetables, when each has to be planted, whether it should be started indoors or not, and since I would like multiple crops, coordinating starting seedlings and harvesting the grown vegetables.  So much to do and think about!  I’m sure that each year we will become a little more proficient at it.  This year is dedicated to simply seeing what we can grow.

We are starting some of the seedlings indoors.  We have shelves with fluorescent lights attached and hopefully this will be sufficient for them.  I am a little concerned about when it comes time to move the seedlings outdoors.  On the balcony we will have shelving, hanging pots, and large buckets and bins for the larger plants. Our plants include eggplant, tomatoes, zucchini, honeydew melon, beets, radishes, spinach, onions, wax beans, cucumbers, lemon balm and basil.

So far the girls have thoroughly enjoyed looking and shaking the seed packets.  They keep asking when we will plant them and are learning a little about how plants grow and their needs.  The eggplants have been planted and they inspect the little seed starter trays each day, eagerly wishing the baby seedlings to poke through. 

What a learning opportunity this will be for them and me!

Dogs tend to adapt relatively quickly to a raw diet, even if they were fed kibble prior to switching.  They usually are pretty adventurous eaters and usually have no problem chowing down on a ¼ chicken dumped on the floor in front of them, despite it being a ‘foreign’ object in the past.  The temperature of the meat usually doesn’t faze them either.  Typically switching a dog to a raw meat and bone diet does simply involve giving it the appropriate sized portion and letting it have at it.

Cats, on the other hand, are notoriously picky eaters with a seemingly superpower ability to vomit at will or with any passing breeze.  Their pickiness is a survival instinct, ensuring that they only consume meat that is safe for them to eat.  So much of the time switching to a totally different diet and method of eating really requires some problem-solving. 

If the cat to be switched to raw is a kitten there will likely be no real difficulty.  Most kittens still have their instincts intact and will be more than happy with four meals of chopped meat a day.  The size of the pieces can be gradually increased as the kitten develops the strength and skill to manipulate the meat and crack the bones. 

Cats that have been fed a commercial diet usually are quite a challenge to switch.  It generally is easier the younger the cat.  If the cats turn their noses up at even finely chopped meat with no bones the first step should be to convert them from kibble to a canned wet diet.  It doesn’t matter the brand, as none of them provide the necessary nutrition and dental health, but will be one step closer to a raw meat diet. If the cats are used to having unlimited access to kibble all day they should be adjusted to having meals at set intervals.

Once the cat has been transitioned to a wet diet at set meal times it can be introduced to raw meaty bones and organs.  Finely chopping just the muscle and organs and mixing it with the wet food helps.  The ratio of meat to canned food can increase until the cat is eating just meat.  Crushed bones (put the bones in a plastic bag and use a hammer on them) can be added after that.  The next step is simply reducing how much the meat is chopped until the portions are completely whole, with the bone in. It is extremely important to NEVER attempt to starve a cat into trying a new food.  Many will hold out for their preferred food and overweight commercially-fed cats are at a very real risk of developing  anorexia and a fatal condition called hepatic lipidosis. A cat should never go more than twenty-four hours without being fed.  If the cat is refusing to even transition to canned wet food it should be given kibble, if only to keep the calories coming in. Just try introducing the transitional food or raw meat again the next day.

There are a few other things that can help transition a picky cat to a raw meaty bone and organ diet.  Some cats become so addicted to kibble that having any of it in the house can prevent them from transitioning to canned food and eventually raw food.  Just the smell of the bag can stand in their way.  Make sure to warm the meat to body temperature to make it more palatable and to prevent vomiting. Some owners have had success with dribbling a little water from a can of tuna over the new food to entice a cat. Sometimes switching the type of animal that the cat is being fed can help as well.  Even cats have their preferences as to where their raw meaty bones come from.

Switching to a biologically appropriate diet for your carnivorous pet can definitely be a challenge and sometimes a lengthy process.  It’s easy to get frustrated after a cat has snubbed the food for the umpteenth time.  But it is very much worth sticking to it!  Even an older pet benefits from getting off of a damaging commercial diet- and perhaps could live an extended life with improved health from switching.

Looking at what happened to Claudia we shake our heads in disbelief- that someone would her life to look a certain way.  It is very sad that society expects women to fit a particular image and subtly impresses upon them to be displeased with their bodies and go to extreme measures to fit that image. 

Don’t we want better for our girls, who will be tomorrow’s women?  Don’t we tell our daughters that they should love and respect their bodies and that anyone who can’t accept them for who they are isn’t worth a second consideration?  If this is what we believe, then how can we force our perfect newborn baby boys to undergo a dangerous cosmetic procedure in order to conform to an image?

Baby boys in the United States are circumcised every day so that they will look like their fathers, their brothers and their peers.  They’re circumcised out of fear of them looking different and because their parents and society thinks that they look dirty and odd with the foreskins they are born with. Hundreds of babies die from this procedure each year. At least Claudia was of consenting age and chose to have the enhancement done on her own body.

How hypocritical can one get?   How can we tell girls to be confident in their bodies and in the next breath call our boys ugly because of an organ they are born with? It really creates an undying circle of madness.  Men want women to conform to a specific physical image for their viewing pleasure; women don’t feel adequate until they look a particular way- so they get breast and buttock enhancements, they get tummy tucks and face lifts. Then when they go on to have children of their own they continue the cycle by projecting their own sexual preferences upon their newborn sons and cut off a part of their bodies so that they look ‘pretty.’  No wonder these boys grow up to be men who expect women to change their own bodies to be pleasing to them. 

So when is it going to end?  It is ridiculous to assume that we can instill sound values of self-confidence and worth if we’re going to teach our boys from birth that their bodies are ugly.  Our children are watching us and we’re perpetuating feelings of dissatisfaction and low self esteem for future generations.  Let’s take a step back and think about what we doing here- risking our son’s bodies and lives because we want them to look a certain way.

Today I was told that my feelings about my birth experience don’t matter.  That I’m just disappointed about how things went and that I need to accept the fact that it was my choice to birth in a hospital.  That I have misplaced anger and that my feelings would have been more ‘understood’ had myself or my little girl suffered injury from our treatment during my labor. I should have known to research each and every procedure and intervention performed prior to going in for my induction and thus I have no reason to be angry and offended by the lack of information I received about the risks that were placed upon us during our stay at the hospital.

In a nutshell, the birth of my eldest daughter:  I was lied to about the necessity of my induction.  I was told that my amniotic fluid was low- which actually is a normal thing for late-term pregnancies and also something that varies in its levels throughout the day.  I was told that a prostaglandin pill would be placed in my cervix to dilate it.  What appalls me now that I am in the know is that this pill, passed off so nonchalantly as a normal everyday procedure, was Cytotec, misoprostol, which has been contraindicated against use in labor induction by the FDA.  Why is this drug so dangerous?  Well, because it carries the risk of hypertonic uterine contractions, fetal distress, uterine rupture and fetal and maternal death.  Oh, the joys.  A skip in the park is this drug. 

What this drug does is make you contract so hard it feels like your abdomen will involute into a black hole of immense proportions.  So I was offered pain relief, in the form of Nubain through an IV in my arm.  Not warned about the side-effects of this drug as well.  Does this not seem shady in the slightest?  We get prescription drugs at a pharmacy and included with the drug is a lengthy printout of the side effects and warnings.  Where was mine when I received cytotec and nubain?  No one told me that I would lose the memories of half of my labor.  Gone forever.   Oh, but the cytotec, the cytotec-contractions that you KNOW are unnatural and wrong, are so insanely powerful that nubain does not take the edge off.  So in prances the anesthesiologist with the epidural. “Yes, of course, this is a pretty routine procedure here, we’ll just get this into you and soon you won’t feel a thing.”

So after the birth I was left with a little girl, healthy, yes, but I did not have any sort of attachment to her. I had not felt my birth and that natural hormonal loop had been severed.  They did not warn me that I would be so numb as to consider my baby a complete stranger and have no mothering instinct towards her.

I trusted my doctor and I trusted my nurses to take care of me.  I signed a simple admissions form.  I consented only to reasonable care.  I did not consent to becoming an experiment and given a dangerous drug warned against use for inductions by the FDA.  I am furious that my doctor had the gall to take that sort of risk with my health and my baby’s.  How could I have researched for that?  Should I have researched procedures that my doctor should have known NOT to perform on me?  How could I have even known to educate myself on things when I was unaware that the information was out there to be researched?  It saddens me now realizing how clueless I was to blindly follow whatever whim the doctor and nurses impressed upon me but I know I am not alone.  All across this country women trust their bodies, their babies bodies and their emotions to the medical professionals who are supposed to be supporting them through childbirth.  And it happens so often after they begin learning later on that they did not consent to this procedure or that procedure, save to sign a general admissions form.  Do we, by signing that form, sign our mentalities away?  Do we become incompetent people, who don’t deserve an explanation of risks of each procedure?

And then to invalidate their feelings when they are outraged they received such treatment and lack of informed consent- to tell them that they have ‘misplaced anger’ and that they don’t deserve a modicum of empathy because they should have KNOWN to educate themselves.  Let’s tell the woman who is raped that she should have known not to go jogging alone.  Let’s tell her that she would receive more compassion from us if she had suffered broken bones or become pregnant.  Because the emotional pain of her vulnerability and violation of her body does not matter as long as her physical health was compromised.  Let’s tell the woman who sets out to breastfeed but ends it because a nurse tells her that she doesn’t make enough that she should have done her research.  La Leche League is out there, numerous excellent books on breastfeeding are out there, there is information on the Internet- surely with correct, accurate information she could have been successful.  But now she’s a failure, because she didn’t research- she didn’t know the information was there- but she needs to own her failure all the same.  Let’s gloss over the pain and frustration she has gone through and tell her she should have known better.

This is offensive to the core.

First, they recommend the light blanket.  Draped over mother and baby no one can see the horrific sight of a female breast. Baby must clearly prefer the increased carbon dioxide levels and heat that will help him or her quickly nod off into a near-coma.

Next comes the giant bib that gives the impression that Mom is off to a giant lobster and crab fest.  It is one step up from the drab receiving blanket but it still offers all of the benefits of a mini sauna and baby re-breathing his or her air.

But wait!  Someone seems to have gotten the idea that eating with a cloth draped over your face actually might not be all that comfortable and so now we have a shower curtain that is suspended about the neck of the woman- and designed to match your bathroom décor.  A mother can view her baby and baby can sort of breathe. This may very well be the cause of the next progressive fashion change, modeled after the tubular corsets of the Rennaisance Era.

And this is the kicker that had me in stitches today when I saw it: moving on from simple blankets, duvets and shower curtains that shield the sensitive eyes of those around us, nursing mothers now can sport an entire couch with which to lie baby on while breastfeeding.  Not only is it a comfy couch that is strapped to her midsection, with a back rest included, the top is suspended from her neck by- you guessed it- a shower curtain, available in only the most trendy mood enhancing patterns.   Installed with a Somebody Else’s Problem field no one will even know that the mother is in his or her vicinity.  The contraption will so boggle their mind that they will simply overlook her presence.  The perfect gift for the mom on the go- it is sure to fit snuggly into her oversize luggage diaper bag.

In all seriousness, a mother should use what she needs to feel comfortable breastfeeding in public.  But these breastfeeding cover-ups, bordering on the ridiculous aren’t doing mothers and babies a service.  They perpetuate the idea that breastfeeding is something dirty and something that needs to be hidden.  In countries that we in western culture scoff at, where women cover their bodies from hair to toe, no one thinks twice about a woman exposing her breast on the street to nurse her baby.  And we’re more progressive?

Before reviewing the good types of infant carriers I want to make the reader aware of the carriers that shouldn’t ever be used with your baby. One is the mainstream upright structured front carrier mainly sold by Snugli and Baby Bjorn. This type of carrier hangs baby at his crotch, causing the legs to be positioned straight down from the body. This position is bad for the baby’s hip and spine development and is known to cause Spondylolisthesis, a condition in which the vertebrae slip and the proper curves in the spine are not developed adequately to support the child’s weight. If the baby is worn in an outward facing position on the parent’s front the baby must develop a swayback posture with the hips tilted unnaturally.

The second infant carrier type to be wary of is the bag-type padded sling mainly sold by Infantino. This is the sling with the adjustable strap that hangs on the shoulder and padded rails that holds the baby in a cradle position. This sling is known to reduce blood oxygen levels for two reasons: the pouch of the sling holds the baby in such a position that the baby’s head falls forward onto his chest. This can crimp his airway and make it difficult to breathe. The structure of this sling is basically a triangle, with a flat bottom and two angled sides. Carbon dioxide tends to build up within this enclosed area. Because this sling is carried on a long shoulder strap and baby is so enclosed out of view, the mother cannot have continual visual contact with her baby and thus does not monitor him closely.

A good choice for a baby carrier is one that considers both you and your baby’s needs. The baby carrier should be able to provide sufficient support for the child’s spine and neck and allow for the baby’s bottom to be seated lower than the knees, with the knees at an angle of at least 90 degrees to the body. The following carriers meet these conditions when they are used properly.

Pouch slings consist of a loop of fabric with the ends sewn in a curve to create a pouch. They are worn over one shoulder, and the baby’s bottom is placed in the pouch at the supporting seam. The baby can be carried in a variety of positions, both on front and back and can be nursed in the carrier. This carrier is easy to put on and wear and the mother can quickly put the baby in and take the baby out. However, it is not adjustable, which can cause stability problems if the baby is not held tight enough to the body. This can be tiring for the mother and can cause some muscle aches, but pouch type slings are generally the cheapest of the carriers that meet baby’s support needs.

Wraps may be made of either a stretchy knit fabric or a non-stretch weave. Wraps are very simple in their construction. Generally about 28 inches wide, they are a length of about five yards of fabric. Unlike other carriers there are multiple holds that a mother can use to carry her baby. When the baby is worn with this type of carrier the wrap covers both the mother’s torso and most of the baby’s body. Attaching the baby to mother involves wrapping the fabric around both of them in different configurations depending on the type of carry. Wraps are highly adjustable, as one simply needs to wrap baby as tightly as needed. They do involve a learning curve, and it can be time-consuming to complete the wrap before getting the baby in the carrier. Many mothers choose to remain wrapped up the entire day, regardless of whether baby is in the carrier or not. This type of infant carrier provides excellent coverage for nursing, and distributes weight across the mother’s back and waist wonderfully. In general, it is a very comfortable carrier. The downside is the knit fabric wraps can stretch out over time. This carrier also tends to be overpriced, as it is simply a hemmed length of fabric.

Ring slings are one of my two favorite infant carriers. These consist of about two yards of sturdy bottom-weight fabric or a gauze, with one end gathered and sewn onto two aluminum rings. The other end of the sling is threaded through the rings and the baby is placed into the pouch created by the loop of fabric. The weight of the baby pulling down on the fabric creates tension and prevents the fabric from slipping through the rings. These slings are highly adjustable, which is very good for stability. The sling can be tightened both on inner rail and the outer to keep baby snug to mother’s body by pulling horizontally on the tail end of the fabric outside of the rings. Baby can be worn in many positions. The tail can be used as a cover for nursing. These slings are often constructed of very pretty fabrics, including silk, and generally aren’t too pricey for their versatility and attractiveness. I use a ring sling around the house at home because it is very easy and quick to take baby in and out of the sling as needed.

Mei tais are my other favorite infant carrier. These carriers are constructed from a main body that is basically a square (may include a headrest or not) with straps coming out of each corner. The body usually consists of one or more layers of bottom-weight fabric and it may have an outer layer of light-weight fashion fabric that has a design. There may be a pocket. The shoulder straps average 70 inches and are long enough to wrap around mother and baby in different configurations. Baby can be held either on the front or back or hip if desired. The waist straps are about 30 inches each, and may extend through the body of the carrier to aid in supporting baby’s weight. The mei tai carrier tends to be the priciest of the ‘good’ infant carriers, those that provide the proper support for baby, and it can take a bit of effort to tie the straps, but it provides excellent support and weight distribution, and it isn’t as unwieldy as the lengths of fabric involved in a wrap

So many middle-aged women are fascinated with my baby in her carrier. They twitter over it, exclaiming how great an invention it is, and how they definitely should have had them back when they had babies. Indeed my carrier is a great thing. I love it. It is indispensible, and I wouldn’t be able to nurture my daughter as much as possible without it. But ‘they’ certainly did have baby carriers ‘back then.’ Babies have been carried on their mothers’ bodies for as long as humans have existed on this planet. Baby wearing is certainly not a novel concept.

Biologically, humans are the sort of primates that carry their young on their bodies rather than stow them in the nest while they are out and about. Because of our bipedal nature, infants are born less neurologically developed than other primates. In humans, the gestational period doesn’t actually end at 9 ½ months but rather extends outside of the uterus for at least another nine months, making human gestation a total of at least 18 months from conception. At the end of the true gestation human babies are beginning to crawl and are typically at the level of neurological and muscular development that our closest relatives, the great apes are at their physical birth. Carrying your child on your body helps to continue and maximize the close, womb-like nature for several months past the actual birth of your baby.

Baby wearing does many good things for the baby-mother pair. It gives mothers the use of two hands to get things done. It saves time. Despite what the baby-toy companies would like mothers to believe it isn’t babies’ nature to be entertained. They would rather be in the midst of their mothers’ daily activities, observing them from her view level. Worn babies spend much of their time in quiet observation while their mothers go about their day. They have easy, frequent access to the breast (and studies have shown that primates that carry their babies on their bodies have the longest breastfeeding duration) thereby nurturing a healthy breastfeeding relationship. Babies feel secure next to their mothers’ heartbeats and rocked by their motion. Baby wearing helps calm a fussy child, and is an easy way to get an over-stimulated baby to sleep.

Many feel that wearing a baby most of the day will create a child who is overly-attached to his mother. First of all, that premise is actually not a bad thing. Mother is baby’s life-source and his protector. It makes sense that a young child would need to have that close physical contact for his very survival. However, it really is not the case that a baby who is worn much of the time becomes clingy. It truly is the opposite. Wearing your baby creates a child who is secure in his trust of you and allows the child to make his own ventures into independence, rather than forcing it upon him.

Our western consumerist culture has led parents to think that they need a plethora of baby gear to make their lives easier. Cribs, prams, swings, bassinets, bouncy seats, walkers, exer-saucers, and jumper harnesses- how can such a list of items make one’s life easier? They just complicate things. They also shrink one’s wallet. The only necessary item needed (besides a car seat) is a baby carrier. Parents switch baby from contraption to contraption in an attempt to pacify him. An infant doesn’t want to be enclosed in cold plastic but seeks the rightness that he feels cradled next to the warmth of his mother’s body. Baby wearing makes him feel right and proper. It is in his mother’s arms that an infant is made to thrive best.

Many people truly get fearful when they consider a mother sleeping in bed with her infant and with her body touching her baby’s during sleep. They assume that it is a dangerous practice, and go on to mention how many babies have died as a result of the mother lying on her baby, or suffocation. This fear is unrealistic and unfounded. Obviously babies have died in beds with their mothers in the same bed, but many more have died sleeping alone in cribs. There are no documented cases of a mother-infant pair co-sleeping safely in which the infant died as a direct result of a safe co-sleeping situation. When the mother is healthy (not on drugs, not drinking alcohol, not obese) and the bed is safe (blankets are not piled near baby, co-sleeping is not occurring on a couch, there are no spaces that baby can become entrapped between the bed and the wall), and the mother is nursing the infant, bed-sharing with an infant is very safe, and actually reduces the risk of SIDS.

All other mammals sleep with their infants. This is in part because sleeping with one’s baby is part of the natural course of breastfeeding. The biology of human infants also necessitates co-sleeping. Human beings are primates. We are biologically designed like the great apes (the gorilla, chimpanzee, and the orangutan). These primates carry their infants on their bodies during the day and sleep with them in-arms during the night. Human milk (and great ape milk) is low in fat and protein. This requires very frequent feedings for the baby to satisfy his caloric needs (breastfed infants are expected to receive at least 25% of their nutrition during the night).

The regulatory effect of co-sleeping is quite amazing. When babies are separated from their mothers (as during solitary sleep at night) studies have shown that these infants display a release of stress hormones, cardiac arrhythmias, loss of body heat, immunological compromises, and sleep disturbances. In recent years hospitals have employed the practice of ‘kangaroo care,’ in which parents hold their premature infants next to their skin to sleep, rather than keep the babies in incubators. These infants tend to maintain stable body temperatures much better with human bodily contact rather than in the incubator.

Human infants are born neurologically immature. This is because of our bipedal nature- in order to support the upright posture the outlet of the pelvis is much smaller. This puts restriction on the size of the infant’s head (and brain) so that it can fit through the bony pelvis during childbirth. Because of this, human infants continue their gestation for quite some time after birth and thus need continuous support in the form of constant close contact with their mothers. Sleeping next to the warm body of his mother, a baby must do nothing but rest and grow as his mother regulates his conditions and can help him to her breast, and keeps him comforted, clean, warm, and safe during the night.

Co-sleeping helps immensely with night-time care of the baby. Parents who leave their babies in cribs in another room (or even in the parents’ room) have to get up during the night to tend to the baby. It is so much easier to simply roll over to the baby and help him latch. Then the mother can fall back to sleep if she so chooses, while the baby continues to nurse. This helps the mother get much more sleep than she would if she had to get up with the baby.

If mother is practicing elimination communication then tending to the baby’s elimination needs truly requires sleeping in bed with the baby. It is difficult to be attentive to the baby’s need to urinate during the night and to meet that need quickly if the baby is someplace other than right next to the mother. All one has to do is simply lift baby and hold him over the receptacle, allow him to urinate, and then lay down and nurse him back to sleep.

Bed-sharing has been shown to reduce the risk of SIDS. Since the majority of bed-sharing pairs breastfeed, the infants tend to sleep either on their sides or backs. These positions favor easy latching-on of the breast during the night and are known to reduce the risk of SIDS (as opposed to sleeping prone). When sleeping in close proximity to his mother, an infant’s breathing and sleep patterns are regulated. The mother and infant actually share sleep patterns, with both rousing at approximately the same time. The mother’s own breath helps to maintain a steady breathing pattern in the infant, and a heavy sigh by the mother stimulates a deep breath in the infant, which can restore proper breathing after a period of apnea.

Co-sleeping infants spend less time in deep sleep and wake more frequently. At first this may seem like a negative thing, but when one realizes that SIDS occurs most often during these periods of deep sleep it can be seen how co-sleeping actually is a biological necessity. Solitary sleep actually may lead to the infant spending more time in deep sleep before the baby is physiologically mature enough to arouse himself should an episode of apnea occur. In traditional cultures where co-sleeping is the norm, SIDS is unheard of. Western culture has the highest rate of SIDS, and it also has the lowest rate of co-sleeping.

Human infants are born into this world neurologically immature, and thus need constant support in order to have their physiological and emotional needs met. Co-sleeping provides this continuity of care throughout the night that the baby expects. Western culture has pushed early independence in the form of solitary sleeping, but this condition is quite new on the human species time scale, and does not fit into the spectrum of care that infants require. There is so much money to be made in products that attempt to mimic the conditions of care an infant expects, but they all fall short, and the problem could be solved simply by mothers taking their babies into their beds at night and tending to them there.

We do not have children for their convenience. We do not stop being mothers at sun down. Imagine a toddler who was forced to sleep using the cry it out method as a baby not coming to the mother in the night despite being sick. Many mothers have attested to coming into their child’s room in the morning and seeing the toddler lying in a puddle of vomit. All because the child has accepted that his needs do not matter during the night.

Can you put yourself in a child’s position as best as you can? You are having a miserable day. You’re sad, achy, worried about something, you name it. You’re crying, and the person you love most in the world refuses to comfort you, refuses to sit with you and hug you and rock you until you feel better. His rationale is that you’re alive, your bodily needs (namely food) have been tended to, and you don’t need him. He leaves you alone in the dark with your worries and anguish. How would that serve to strengthen a trusting bond?

Everyone, babies, children and adults, wake several times during the night. Adult humans have a sleep cycle that averages 90 minutes and at the end they wake. The difference is that most of the time the adult knows how to put himself back to sleep without remembering the waking whereas the infant has not developed that ability yet.

Cry it out methods seemingly work. But in reality the blessed silence at night is the baby retreating within himself in order to right the horrific wrong of his loneliness. Babies are born into this world with absolutely no concept of time. Their ability to quantify time increases as they age. Infants live only in the moment. They have no ability to understand that they will be cared for later and that they must wait to have their needs met. To an infant, loneliness in a dark room is the worst torture. As long as the baby has a hope that he will be cared for he will cry. It is when the cries end that all hope has been lost. For the baby, his mother may as well be dead, and he is lost in an eternity of solitude during the night.

The fact is that babies are human beings too. Although they are helpless they deserve as much respect of their needs and dignity as any adult does, if not more so, because of their innocence. Their perception of the world is affected by their treatment during this impressionable time. Despite what many people say, tending to your infant when he cries does not create a manipulative child. When a baby is picked up and soothed (ideally by breastfeeding, but also by rocking, singing, etc.) he is taught that he matters as a person, that he holds a very important place in his parents’ hearts, and also learns how to have empathy and compassion for others.

Crying is an incredibly taxing activity for a baby. If one looks at it in a historical and biological fashion, it would not be in an infant’s best interest to cry because it would put the infant in danger of predators. Crying is typically the last resort (with the exception of sudden pain or fright) and is intended to right a situation that is unacceptable and that has been prolonged beyond the tolerance of the baby and to reunite the mother and infant. A baby makes multiple attempts at getting his needs met through other signals before resorting to crying. This is because physiologically crying is harmful to the baby’s body. It raises stress hormone levels and also creates within the infant’s body conditions not dissimilar to those of someone experiencing a stroke.

It is only western culture that expects early independence on its infants in the form of sleeping alone and through the night. It isn’t the norm the world over. In traditional, indigenous societies infants are carried almost constantly in arms or in a sling and spend the night in their mothers’ arms in bed, typically nursing through the night. It really is completely illogical to expect a baby, who has spent almost ten months cradled within the warmth of his mother’s womb, comforted by the rocking motion, and never experiencing cold, hunger, or loneliness, to be comfortable on his own in the expanses of a crib. For human beings gestation does not end at physical birth but continues for a minimum of nine or ten more months, during which time it is up to the parents to create conditions that are similar to the womb to ease the infant’s transition into this world. Thus it is cruel to force these conditions which are in stark contrast to those that the baby has known all his life and expect him to accept them.

Many parents are so eager to push sleeping through the night without considering the fact that infants typically are not physiologically ready to go the entire night without eating. It is expected that breastfed infants receive at least 25% of their nutritional needs during the night for at least the first 12 months. People continue to have things that need to be taken care of during the night for the rest of their lives. It’s just that babies and young children are not capable of handling these things by themselves. Adults need to wake to urinate, or they become thirsty, or even very hungry in the wee hours of the morning, or they have achy legs, or some other concern that is preventing them from having a good night’s sleep. It isn’t reasonable to expect infants and young children to not have these needs during the night. There are also psychological and emotional issues that make it difficult for a baby to sleep. The early years are a time of such incredible brain growth and motor development that the child simply wants to continue to explore his world. This is a natural thing that needs to be accepted by the parent. Fears are also something that arises during the toddler years.

Cry It Out: Manipulation vs. Security

Simply put, the sleep ‘issues’ that almost every parent of a young child has to deal with must actually not be ‘dealt’ with. The best way to survive the night wakings is to just go with the flow and ride them out. This time is so short and is better spent enjoying your child, caring for him and helping him to explore his world. Going to your child and picking him up and loving him when he needs you is most certainly not going to create a manipulative child in the least bit. In fact it will create quite the opposite: a secure baby who knows that his parents love him and who is never afraid to seek help during the night, who feels free to wake his mother because he needs her help. In turn he will most likely treat others with kindness and his own children with compassion rather than ignoring their very real needs in the name of teaching them ‘independence.’

Independence from what? Being a baby? In the grand scheme of things, once baby becomes a teenager, there will be no shortage of drive for independence. Infancy is such a fleeting time.